Today’s catch phrase is:
Be who God made you to be.
Perhaps we all start off in ministry looking around at the ministry wives/women who we know and trying to mirror them. This is certainly not all bad, as there is MUCH to be learned from those who have walked the ministry pathway before us. The temptation, though, is to try to fit what we see of others into our own ministry. But each ministry is unique, and requires a unique set of gifts, talents, and personalities to make it work.
Which is why God made you the way He did.
I started ministry with plenty of ideals concerning what I thought I should do and be as a pastor’s wife. In the long run, I tried to do too much and ended up becoming burned out {not to mention that I weathered a serious illness during our very first year of ministry}. Talk about ruining the stereotype! For me, being a pastor’s wife looked more like always being in and out of the hospital. Often I couldn’t even make it to church, let alone fulfill expectations.
One of the realities of being a woman in ministry is this: Every single person in the pews has a different idea of what the pastor’s wife/leader should ‘look like.’ What should she do in the church? How should she dress? How many children should she have? Should she work outside the home? How often should she have people over for a meal? How should she raise her babies/children? Should she have hobbies or enjoy sports? What about community involvement?
There are answers to all of those questions- a lot of different answers from a lot of different people. If you listen to them all, you’ll go crazy.
I speak from hindsight here, because there was a time when I DID try to fulfill expectations regarding how my ‘image’ of pastor’s wife came across to them. But God had His way in my life and brought me to rock bottom, where all I could do was look at Him and His purpose for my life. It forced me to stare right into how He created me and what He really wanted from me.
I learned that He was more interested in making me more like Him than allowing me to do a bunch of stuff in the church. Over time, He showed me what my individual gifts and talents were, and where I should focus my ministry energies. He helped me learn how to delegate and when and how to say ‘no.’ He showed me that life has seasons and that sometimes it’s enough to be wife and mom. He taught me that intentional relationships are what ministry is all about- not about doing everything in the church. He brought me to the place where I am comfortable with who God made me to be, and confident in the tasks He gives me to do.
He helped me realize that my number one responsibility as a pastor’s wife is to be Godly- to nurture my relationship with Him.
Dear ministry leader, say ‘goodbye’ to all of the expectations. Focus on God’s creation of you and His will for you. Some folks will understand and support you. Some will not.
That’s ok.
Don’t worry about it. Just…
Be who God made you to be.
Let’s Chat: Do you struggle with trying to fulfill expectations? How do you push away the expectations of others and just be yourself? Has this concept been a ministry journey for you or did you find it easy from the start?
Leah, again sooooo good!!!
I died a long time ago to trying to be all everyone else wants me to be. My Pastors wife helped me with that. When i asked her what was my most important duty or thing i could do as a PW? She said, “Laurie, 1st. love your God, get so close to him, don’t neglect your time with him. Second: love, support and follow your husband!” I thought, that’s it?!?! Really???? lol Oh the wisdom in that!!!!
Several years later as a PW i had a lady say to me, wow, how do you do it? Whats your secret to making everyone happy? It must be so hard trying to please everyone. I said, I don’t, that’s not my job. My job isn’t to please everyone. That isn’t what God called me to do. My job is to love the Lord, do HIS will and what he wants me to do, and He always allows everything else to fall into place…. for you see some ladies love apple pie, some cherry, some peach and some, well they don’t like pie at all, so instead of trying to please everyone with what they want me to do, I just do what God wants me to do…..makes my pillow softer at night! If we can’t please people with something as simple as pie, how are we going to please all these different people with different needs, wants etc. So I don’t…..i labor to please him. Now that doesn’t mean that i haven’t been tempted too, that is very easy and my flesh wants it, its something i have to daily keep reminding myself…….. any who……. thanks again for another great post. Loving this series!!!!!
For me, not being a pastor’s wife, but the music director’s wife, and not the youth pastor’s wife… what a weird place sometimes to be in. Most people categorize people in ministry by both of those positions. I can’t help my husband in a youth ministry or even play the piano to help him with our music ministry. With having four children we have learned that what is expected of me is not always what I can do… our children have to be my focus at times more than any other thing, my first priority and ministry. It has been a struggle for other people to realize this. I have felt like a square peg…with no square peg holes that exactly fit me. I help where I can in many other aspects of ministry, that is often behind the scenes. Sometimes I wonder if there is something more for me that God wants… I just don’t know where or what that is. My job as helpmeet has been magnified in helping my busy husband be more organized. If I knew the spiritual answer to this surely I would be applying it by now… until then I’ll just keep praying, praying, praying! Thanks again for sharing your heart, Leah!