Today’s catch phrase is:

Say ‘no’ without guilt.

I know someone who used to say ‘yes’ to everything. Yes to the nursery and yes to the piano. Yes to the youth group and yes to the ladies visitation. Yes to the care groups and yes to teaching Sunday School. Yes to the Wednesday night kids program and yes to the weekly young moms program. Yes to the decorating and yes to the counseling. Oh, and yes to being a {pastor’s} wife, a {homeschooling} mother, a blogger/writer, an author, a piano teacher, a music degree student.

Whew. I’m tired, how about you? Yes, that was me you were just reading about. I used to know that person.

Used to know her. She’s changed a LOT.

It’s taken some time, but over the years I’ve had to learn to say no. When I first became a pastor’s wife, I thought that to be a good one, I had to do all the things I was asked to do. I didn’t know that ‘no’ was an option, and I didn’t know how to go about it anyway.

Landing in the hospital multiple times and being on bedrest helped me out quite a bit. It pretty much took the decision away from me. And then my health was precarious for several years after that, so I was limited. And do you know what I realized?

Everything still got done. Without me in the picture as much. People stepped in and picked up the slack, and when there was no one to help, it was ok that some ministries got a break. {I’m pretty sure that congregation is still alive even after having to sing without the piano a few times.}

Even this year I stepped away from some ministries at church, with the goal of focusing my energies on the areas where God has gifted me. Then if an extra opportunity comes up, I won’t be so burned out that I can’t even consider it.

So, we’ve established that it’s ok to say ‘no.’ But how do we do it without guilt?

{Let me just say that those folks who think the pastor’s wife has to have her hands in every ministry of the church….well, they need to follow her around for about a week and realize just how much she does do. And that would include adjusting to her husband being on call 24/7.}

Here are some ways to avoid guilt when saying ‘no’ to someone:

*Use gracious speech when turning down a ‘job’ in the church.

*Don’t say “I’ll pray about it” if you already know that it’s not something God wants you to do.

*Engage your husband’s authority to protect your schedule. (i.e. tell them you need to speak with your husband about it first. Then DO that, and get back to them.)

*Delegate the opportunity to someone else. Saying something like “You know what? I can’t do it, but I will find someone who can!” goes a long way to ease the awkwardness of saying ‘no.’ This is where knowing the gifts and talents of your congregation comes in.

*Thank the person for thinking of you. Be genuinely thankful that you were included. Some pastors’ wives are not included in planning events or ministry details. Even if they can’t say ‘yes’ it means a lot to be considered instead of being ignored. How do I know? They write to me. 😉

*Keep your priorities in focus. It’s much easier to say ‘no’ if you are committed to having your priorities in an order that pleases God. Know what your absolute most important commitments are, and then add in the extras if you are so led.

Don’t just say ‘no’-

Say ‘no’ without guilt!

Let’s Chat: Do you have a hard time saying ‘no’ to people? Are you able to say no without guilt?