Every week I receive emails from pastors’ wives and women in ministry. On most weeks those emails all have something in common: they express the voice of a dear ministry leader, desperately reaching out for help. Some even say to me, “I’ve never told anyone this before, but…
I am so tired.
I don’t know if I can go on- I’m weary.
I make up being sick sometimes so I don’t have to go to church.
I must not be cut out for ministry…why is it so hard?
Being a Mom and a pastor’s wife is so difficult- how do you find the balance?
I’m tired of the way Christians act.
I’m so weary of church drama.
The last year has been one of constant church-related turmoil. I feel like I never do anything right- I’m never good enough.
These pleas and more come into my inbox, and I ache with these women. I add each one to my growing prayer list of pastors’ wives which now has over 100 women on it, all expressing similar struggles. It’s a tough place to be, especially when they really do love what they do.
I don’t have as much ministry experience as some, but over the past 9 years I have noticed the silver lining on the cloud of weariness. And I want to whisper that ‘secret’ to you, because it has helped me tremendously in the hardest moments of ministry. The first pastor’s wife I worked with after we came to Canada gave me a nugget of wisdom one day that I have never forgotten. Her words have rung in my heart loud and clear, carrying me through both hard and happy days:
“No matter what happens,” she said, “You walk into that church, hold your head high, and act like nothin’s wrong!”
She wasn’t talking about being proud, but about having strength of character that doesn’t buckle under stress. Little did I know in those early days what God was preparing us for, and how much I would need that advice. Twice my husband and I have unexpectedly found ourselves without team partners shortly after coming on staff. So twice God gave us the task of carrying churches through transition periods. Churches in transition go through a myriad of changes and ups and downs. Many times even the people don’t pick up on how much their church is changing, yet the staff are navigating a very crucial time period. People need leaders who are stable and strong, not wavering with the ups and downs or giving up when things get tough.
If I were to summarize that tidbit of advice from that pastor’s wife, I would say it like this:
Be faithful.
Sound simple? It is very. Yet it is not. At times it will be the hardest thing you’ve been called upon to do.
Faithfulness looks like you walking into the church for the next service after that awful business meeting.
Faithfulness looks like saying ‘yes’ to serving even when you feel empty.
Faithfulness looks like depending on God’s grace to bite your tongue.
Faithfulness looks like smiling at the folks God has called YOU to love, expressing genuine care for even those who have hurt you.
Faithfulness looks like not walking away when it would be easy to do so.
Faithfulness looks like remaining controlled and kind when you (and your husband) are falsely accused or attacked.
Faithfulness looks like ministering with God-given confidence when you know you are really weak.
Faithfulness looks like resisting your feelings and acting on God’s Words.
I’m whispering this message to you today:
Be faithful.
Those of you who have been in ministry for a long time can attest to the good that comes from being faithful. Isn’t it amazing?! God uses faithfulness to heal relationships, because over time people see their leader as dependable- one who depends on God for stability. Even those who cause hurt can recognize genuine faithfulness. Often those folks are the ones who are hurting the most, and who are most in need of being ministered to, but resist it until they know they can trust the leader to be a stable influence in their lives.
Choosing to be at church, to smile and to show kindness in hard times is not hypocrisy- it’s obedience! And oh, how God blesses our feeble human attempts to obey! He gives deep, abiding joy and a genuine confidence that you know could only come from Him. He heals the hurts and uses you as glue to knit people together.
God said it best in His Word: “A faithful man shall abound with blessings.” Proverbs 28:20
Why not put it to the test and rediscover the joy of ministry…
Be faithful.
Today. Tomorrow. The next day. For life.
Let’s Chat: Have you discovered the blessings of faithfulness? As a pastor’s wife/ministry leader, how do you see God reviving you when you are weary?
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This is excellent. Thank you!
I’m so glad it blessed you!
This is fantastic advice. I saw my parents model this as a “pk” for many years, and now as a Pastor’s wife myself, I have the same challenge before me. The one I struggle the most with is being kind to those that slander us. The one I am working on.
Yes, that is a common struggle among us PWs. God has so much grace to give us if we can just submit to Him on a regular basis! It sounds like you were very blessed with parents who modeled faithfulness to you. God bless you. Adding you to my prayer list!
This was written just for me 🙂 Thank you
Praying for you and your husband as you help move your church through transition!
What wonderful truths! Someone once told me she was hesitant to lead a ladies ministry because of all the drama. I told her that if everyone hesitated or dropped out, there would be no one to minister. Jesus came not to be ministered to but to minister. When we choose not to minister, we are disobedient. God says…”It is required in stewards that a man/woman be found FAITHFUL!” Jesus was faithful/obedient unto death! The Lord has given me grace to be faithful in the darkest of ministry trials. Through this I came out stronger and more determined not to quit. Even when I see no spiritual fruit at times in those ladies I disciple, God’s Word reminds me to “be steadfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord because our labor is not in vain.” God’s Word is truth! God’s Word was rare/precious in the days of Samuel and it’s becoming rare in America so we MUST read/trust/share God’s Word in these last days. I have resolved to be faithful with God’s help. It’s not how we start that’s important but how we finish……….. so let’s finish well ladies! God is worthy and our trials are a very small part of being “partakers in the sufferings of Christ” in 1 Peter 4:13. When we obey in the midst of trials, as our dear sister Elizabeth shared, it is a sweet smelling savour to our Lord! I believe He is glorified most in our trials when we resolve to worship Him there! Thank you dear God for allowing us to be a part of your big plan! What an honor! In everything give thanks for this is the will of God!
Sorry I thought this was an Elizabeth George email Leah but it is you 🙂 What a compliment for you!
Haha. 🙂 That made me smile. I’m humbled that God uses my words to encourage others. That is my prayer! God bless you as you remain faithful to Him!
I needed this, Thank You.
((hug)) Glad it met a need for you today. Keep serving!
Since I’ve been saved, (November 1989) I’ve not wavered on my music standards, my Bible standard, my dress standards, even Baptist standards. But I HAVE wavered in my moments of being weary, weak, tired, fed up with kids, fed up with Christians that don’t act like they are, sick of people, fed up with everything. Just last night our Pastor preached on “The Whole Package of being a Christian”. Yes, I was saved. Yes I accepted what Christ did for ME. And yes, I have standards set in my life. But, the whole package…….Do I love the unloveable? Do I speak kindly? Do I have faith enough to give my offerings to God when asked by Him? Do I ‘act’ like I’m a Christian? Do I find ways to minister to others or am I too busy thinking about my problems? Do I speak kindly to those I know have been hateful to my family? Especially if I KNOW they have and they don’t know I know…… Do I listen to gossip? Am I FAITHFUL to GOD??? I would say yes. But, do I have the entire package? I want the blessings of God! I want to know in my heart of hearts that I serve Him with the use of the ENTIRE package that God has given me. And like you say Leah, I want to love the ministry. Whether it’s singing in the choir or picking up a piece of trash on the floor. If I have NOTHING but trouble and problems, I have my salvation. I want to use that for Him.
L.O.V.E !!! Thank you
Michelle, I’ve been praying for you!! Hope today finds you encouraged in the Lord.
Deanna, we all have our times of struggle, but those are the growing times. Adding you to my prayer list. God bless you as you serve Him!
I have seen you model this Leah. thank you for your servant’s heart!
Thank you for this! I really needed this today! Our little church is in transition. Our pastor of 30 years retired earlier this year, and after several years of being on staff, my husband is now the senior pastor. Most people have been so wonderful – loving and caring. But there are a couple that want us to change everything to the way THEY want it and it is frustrating. When you are met with resistance at every turn, it makes you want to stop trying. Thank you for the reminder to be faithful!
Hi Leah!
I loved this, so much. I read it a week ago and ‘Obedience’ has been echoing around in my mind in relation to everything. Including the very long ministry-induced, non-restful Sunday. I want to read this sort of message every day. It seems counter-cultural, counter-self and oh so biblical. And I just don’t hear it enough! Thank you for sharing 🙂
This is so true! I have always said no matter what is going on, act like everything is ok. Not to be fake. But if the Pastor’s wife is crying, emotional, mad, sad or any emotion it distracts from God. People are at church to worship and it’s not about us! If we make a scene and get our feelings hurt all of the time it will not further God’s desires but ours for attention.
I have tried to tell so many young Pastor’s wives this. But they don’t always understand the impact their emotional outburst can have on church members. When a Pastors wife is crying, people will worry and be distracted.
Easter Sunday my husband had to go by ambulance to the hospital before our first service even started. We lost him twice but he is alive and has a new pacemaker and difibulator inside of him! I was obviously very upset but all I could hear was my husband saying “Never panic as a leader be strong” I did the best I could and didn’t cry until 4 days later on the way home from Emory University after he had 2 surgeries and was fixed.
I would encourage all pastors wives to be strong and realize you are like Aaron and Hur were to Moses! Hold his hands up when he is weary and smile! You will be blessed!