Today’s catch phrase is

Teach your children how to navigate ministry stuggles.

This is a lesson that I have recently refreshed in my own heart. I’m blessed to have a lady in my church who is somewhat of a mentor to me in the area of child rearing. We meet once a week as we are able and are going through the book “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” by Ted Tripp. About 2 weeks ago, we completed the chapter about shaping influences and Godward orientation.  The main take away that has really helped ease my stress in the area of kids and ministry?

You can’t control all of your child’s negative shaping influences. But you can teach him how to deal with the negative ones.

Do you know what a load that took off of this mom right here? I’ll admit that I’ve spent the past year in ministry trying to shield my children from the expectations of perfectionism and trying to keep them from being criticized. Our children, like yours,  have been criticized for things that aren’t a big deal- just things that normal kids struggle with, like conflict over a toy, etc. {And yes, we are always in process teaching them how to show love}. I don’t usually take those types of criticism to heart because I know how kids are, and I know that everyone’s kids are the same in many things. It’s pretty silly for moms to pick at each other in these matters, anyway. But I digress…:)

But what I had begun to do was to try to protect my children from having to hear criticism themselves or from being subjected to unfair comparisons. And it resulted in fear- fear of what would be said to them at a service. Fear of someone complaining about them. Nervousness that my kids were being watched and judged unfairly.

Basically I was creating an unrealistic bubble around them that would not stand the test of a lifetime.

Here is the truth: Many times PKs ARE watched more and sometimes they ARE treated unfairly. So how can we take this pressure off of ourselves and not live in fear?

*Don’t try to shield them from every negative thing about ministry. Now,  I don’t advocate discussing church matters in front of children, nor am I suggesting that we share every mean thing that is said or done in order to get a teaching opportunity. But when those things DO happen to our children, don’t just brush it off. If you have an inquisitive 7 year old like I do, you know you can’t just say “because” or “don’t worry about it” and expect him to run happily away. Nope. He’s a deep thinker- he sees things that happen and he asks why. He sees things that I don’t even see and he comes home with questions.

So I have begun to be tactfully honest with him. I let him know that in life people will not always be our friend. Sometimes the people we think we can trust turn out to be the very ones who hurt us. I tell him that even professing Christians will hurt him and let him down in life. I was an adult before this reality hit home to me, and I do not want my child to get the shock of a lifetime someday if he can learn how to deal with it as a child. Which brings me to the second point:

*Teach your children how to handle/deal with the negative stuff. Don’t just bluntly dump the realities of life on him. Teach him Scriptural principles that will help him process the unfair treatment and hurts in life. I say something like “Sometimes in life, ———happens. But GOD tells us what to do about it!” And then help him see his own responsibility to forgive and to love.

You know what? He generally forgives easily and willingly {except sometimes when it’s his sister- ha!}, and I want to continue to shepherd him on that path. I think I have a lot to learn from him, eh?

So, in this ministry journey where our children are participants and not just along for the ride,

Teach your children how to navigate ministry struggles.

Let’s Chat: How do you handle criticism against your children? Have you found yourself at times trying to protect them from everything? Did you find yourself in a tailspin of fear? Or are you experiencing the freedom of teaching them how to deal with problems instead of shielding them? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!