During my senior year in college, a good friend and I had a ‘popcorn’ idea. After devotions each night, we would slip into the dormitory closet at the end of the hall {move over pickle jars and plastic bins!} and sink to the floor in a huddle. There we shared our hearts- what God was doing in our lives, and what we dreamed of seeing Him do. Then we prayed together for about 20 minutes.
Unknown to us, our ‘special guy friends’ had begun to do the same. We began to see God work in us as never before. Now, 8 years later, we are both married to our ‘special guy friends’, and we both serve on foreign mission fields. Quite possibly, we won’t know the full blessings of our fellowship until eternity.
Friendship and fellowship: do you know the difference? The word ‘fellowship’ is loosely thrown around in our local church circles, usually referring to a time after a service where folks gather and feast on fried chicken and banana pudding (if you’re in the south) or sandwiches and sweets (if you’re in the north). I don’t know what you eat in the west…maybe fried buffalo? 🙂
I cringe a little when I hear “let’s have a fellowship” or “we had a fellowship.” Have you considered the Biblical definition of fellowship? It is eye-opening! Truly, if friends gather to socialize (whether at a church, in a house, online, etc.) but there is no spiritual conversation that takes place, then they have experienced friendship, but not necessarily biblical fellowship.
I have observed in Christian circles that many friendships are missing the very key element of fellowship.
I’m not saying that every time you talk with a friend, it has to be Scripture and prayer. I’m saying that we need to be intentional in our relationships, so that spiritual communication becomes natural and normal. This is not just for pastor’s wives; every Christian woman is responsible in this area!
Easton’s Bible Dictionary 
Fellowship with God:
* Lifestyle consisting in the knowledge of his will (Job 22:21; John 17:3)
* Agreement with His designs (Amos 3:2)
* Mutual affection (Rom. 8: 38, 39)
* Enjoyment of His presence (Ps. 4:6)
* Conformity to His image (1 John 2:6; 1:6)
* Participation of His felicity {happiness, bliss} (1 John 1:3, 4; Eph. 3:14-21)
* In sufferings (Rom. 15:1, 2; Gal. 6:1, 2; Rom. 12:15
* In glory (Rev. 7:9)
Fellowship of believers with one another:
* In duties, as in prayer and giving thanks; the use of spiritual gifts (Rom. 12:5; 1 Cor. 12:1; 1 Thess. 5:17, 18)
* In ordinances (Heb. 10:25; Acts 2:46)
* In grace, love, joy, etc. (Mal. 3:16; 2 Cor. 8:4)
* Mutual interest, spiritual and temporal (Rom. 12:4, 13; Heb. 13:16)
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Godly friendships are built on true biblical fellowship.
It is ideal to have both friendship and fellowship.
The secret? You must fellowship with God before you can fellowship with others. If fellowship with God is a regular part of your life and heart, then the elements of Godly fellowship will flow out of you into your relationships. In fact, you can have fellowship with a total stranger who isn’t even a friend, but is a believer. This is possible through the common bond we have in Christ. Isn’t it amazing?!
Using the “checklist” above to evaluate your relationships, do they line up with God’s plan for mutual interaction among believers? Are you giving up soul refreshment in order to have surface friendships that are not spiritually edifying?
Let’s Discuss: What are some practical ways that you implement spiritual fellowship into your friendships? How do you navigate a friendship where the desire for fellowship is not mutual? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
One way that I try to implement spiritual fellowship is to ask my friends how I can pray for them or ask them what God is teaching them. It turns the conversation to spiritual things.
Love the post! Keep on writing. 🙂
Sometimes it can be similar to witnessing- finding a pivot sentence that will turn the focus onto spiritual things. Thanks for the encouragement!
My understanding of friendships and fellowship
Friendship is a bond formed between people in all walk of life.
Fellowship is a spiritual reality that transcends friendship. If God is in the center
of that friendship, we have fellowship. I often tell them how God has blessed
us and how thankful for his provisions, it often opens a door to talk about
spiritual things.
We appreciate fellowship with you because we believe God brought you into our lives.
Fina, I like that! “a spiritual reality that transcends friendship” And it really is about opening the door and making it easy to discuss what God is doing in our lives. Thanks for your input!
I love this reminder, Leah! Fellowship is so essential to friendship and I want to nurture those friendships with prayer and the Word. And yes, how we need fellowship with God first, to flow into fellowship with others. Thank you, friend. Hope you’re doing well!
Glad it was a blessing, Jacqui. It’s something the Lord has really been teaching my husband and I and we are trying to do better at being the ones to encourage true fellowship. Hope you’re doing well, too, friend! Think of you often. Hope we can meet IRL someday. 🙂
This is a good post! I find it difficult though, being in ministry myself, to actually have a truly “spiritual” friendship or fellowship with many people. I think people are so surface and limiting relationships to only the acquaintance level because they do not want others to realize the “real” life they have outside of church. It’s rare to find people willing to have intentional spiritual conversation and fellowship. Perhaps it’s my fault in being a novice and not always knowing what to say to people… sometimes I feel like an outcast because I would like to be more spiritual but people assume that they are going to be judged or have shallow spiritual depth and feel intimidated. How do you get past that? I have only 2 or 3 real friends that I can ever talk to about deep spiritual things… other ladies in the ministry. I do have occasional conversations with other ladies in our church but on a regular basis, not so much. Maybe hospitality, having people in your home would open true conversation better than a simple 2 minute handshake…. what are your thoughts?
I think you are right on with your idea of why people stay surface- they don’t want to be open because they are hiding their lifestyle. But I find that with folks who have a genuine, growing walk with the Lord, it is just part of who they are. Personally, when I feel I have to bottle up my spiritual life, I feel empty and frustrated because it’s such an integral part of who I am in Christ. But I can’t say that I have gotten past feeling awkward…it is fear of that awkwardness from the other person that keeps me from doing it. But I need to work on being bold- being the one to turn the conversation. If it flops, I feel dumb. Most of the people I can have deep conversations with are other pastor’s wives, as you said. However, with church folks I’m trying to pray WITH people right on the spot when they mention a problem (even if they don’t ask for prayer about it). Awkward? Yep. 🙂 But I always feel great inside when I just jump in and do it. I agree that hospitality is a great way to encourage spiritual conversations. “So how can we pray for you?” or “When did you come to know the Lord?” or “How did God lead you to our church?” (if they are from away) etc. etc. And then actually pray with them before they leave. It may not be deep with everyone, but at least it would be something. Hope my rambles are understandable! 🙂 Thanks so much for your input- you are not alone in your struggles here! I have very few friendships on this level too. But I’m trying to work on being the one to change, by God’s grace.
[…] everything we did was Christ-focused. It was amazing. At one point we broke into small groups to fellowship intentionally with prayer and praise. What a blessing! Even the skits and games were the perfect blend of humor […]